Courtroom Humor

Judge: "I'll give you ten days or $50."

Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"

Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"

Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?" Witness: "By death."

Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?" Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year?"

Lawyer: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

Lawyer: "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

Lawyer: "She had three children, right? How many were boys?" Witness: "None."

Lawyer: "Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?"

Lawyer: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?" Witness: "The autopsy started around 8:30 PM."

Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"

Lawyer: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"