One-Liners

What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances? Retired.

What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. My lawyer thinks he can get me five.

How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the courthouse on the other side... and bill for travel time.

A lawyer's dog runs around the neighborhood unleashed. What does it do? Chase ambulances.

Why don't lawyers go to the beach? Cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.

What do you call 25 lawyers buried up to their chins in cement? Not enough cement.

Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? Professional courtesy.

What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer? One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention? The caterer.

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle? The vacuum has the dirt bag on the inside.

What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer? All the information you need, but you can't understand a word of it.