Client Stories

A lawyer was walking down the street and saw a car accident. He rushed over and started handing out business cards.

A lawyer, a doctor, and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says:

A client called his lawyer and asked: "How much would you charge me to answer three questions?" The lawyer said: "$500." The client said: "Isn't that a lot?"

A man went to a lawyer and said, "I'd like to make a will but I don't know where to start." The lawyer said, "Don't worry, just leave it all to me."

Two lawyers are in a bank when armed robbers burst in. While the robbers take everyone's wallets and jewelry, one lawyer stuffs something into the other's hand.

An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position. The interviewer asked: "What is 2 + 2?" The engineer pulled out a slide rule and said, "Approximately 3.99." The physicist did a calculation and said, "It lies between 3.98 and 4.02."

A lawyer dies and goes to heaven. "There must be a mistake," he says to St. Peter. "I'm only 40."

A new client walks into a big law firm and says, "I want to sue my neighbor." The lawyer asks, "What did they do?" The client replies, "They built a fence six inches onto my property."

A man phones a lawyer: "How much do you charge?" Lawyer: "$500 for three questions." Man: "Isn't that expensive?"

Satan approached a lawyer and said, "I have a deal for you. I'll make you the most successful lawyer in history. You'll win every case, make partner in a year, and retire at 45 as a billionaire."

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW when a car came along and knocked the door clean off. When the police arrived, the lawyer was hopping mad. "Officer, look what they did to my BMW!" he screamed.

A lawyer is sitting at his desk when a beautiful woman walks in. She says, "I want a divorce." He says, "On what grounds?" She says, "About two acres."

A small town that only had one lawyer was struggling — the lawyer was starving. Then a second lawyer moved to town.

A defending attorney was cross-examining a coroner. "Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the man's pulse?" "No." "Did you listen to his heart?" "No." "Did you check for breathing?" "No."