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Lawyer Jokes

Because even lawyers need to laugh. Browse 52+ of the best attorney jokes, courtroom humor, and legal comedy.

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A lawyer dies and goes to heaven. "There must be a mistake," he says to St. Peter. "I'm only 40."

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One-Liners

What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances? Retired.

One-Liners

What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.

One-Liners

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. My lawyer thinks he can get me five.

One-Liners

How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.

One-Liners

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

One-Liners

Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the courthouse on the other side... and bill for travel time.

One-Liners

A lawyer's dog runs around the neighborhood unleashed. What does it do? Chase ambulances.

One-Liners

Why don't lawyers go to the beach? Cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.

One-Liners

What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.

One-Liners

What do you call 25 lawyers buried up to their chins in cement? Not enough cement.

One-Liners

Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? Professional courtesy.

One-Liners

What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer? One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

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